Introduction
Consent is like tea. This is the phrase that every teen who attended secondary school in the 2010’s heard when learning about sex education. But this surface level education is not enough to understand the depths of consent in the real world as opposed to the methodical and theoretical processes teachers often talk about. Consensual sex outlines the legality of what is and isn’t rape,however, it is important to recognise the extremes of the inter-relationship between wanted and consensual sex, and the detrimental psychological effects that occur when one of those aforementioned factors is missing. There is a key difference between wanted sex and consensual sex which are distinguished not only legally but also academically. Consensual sex is the informed agreement by all parties who have mental capacity, free from coercion or manipulation. On the other hand, wanted sex is that which is desired and initiated by both parties. This article will delve into the relationship between these two concepts and explore how they play a role in fostering trust, respect and saftey in intimate relationships, preventing inter-parter sexual violence.
The Concept of ‘Wanted’ Sex
The concept of wanted sex is often misinterpreted to mean the same thing as consensual sex. However, recent studies have discovered there is a clear difference between the two. The term wanted consent is often used interchangeably with implicit consent and has many aspects including the emotional, psychological and physical factors. Willis defines implicit consent or wanted sex as the feelings of physical response, saftey/comfort, arousal, agreement/want and readiness. All of these factors come together to create not just the explicit consent which is often verbalised, but the implications consent necessary for wanted consent. The idea of sexual desire must not only be mutual, but it must be understood that it is a fluid concept which can change throughout the sexual act. This fluidity can often be ignored, however, when it is recognised, it is less likely that cases of rape will occur as it removes the common misunderstanding that consent cannot be removed mid-act. Furthermore, it is important to distinguish between implicit and explicit consent to decrease cases of coerced sex/rape. Peterson explains the continuum from unwanted consensual sex to unwanted coercive sex. 50% of women and 26% men of men in committed dating relationships reported consenting to unwanted sex during a 2-week period. When this kind of unwanted sex occurs, there are many occasions where people who do not want to partake in sex due to lack of sexual desire, early stages of a relationship, fear of pregnancy, they do not like specific sexual acts, because they don’t want their partner to misinterpret signals and other reasons. Nevertheless, they do engage in sexual conduct which results in the possibility of coercion which can lead to toxic and unhealthy sexual relationships. Not acknowledging the unwanted aspects of sex and consenting anyway or being pressured to consent anyway can clearly lead to cases of coercion and/or inter-partner sexual violence, showing the importance of the role of wanted sex in relationships.
The Role of Consent in Sexual Encounters
Consent, or as Willis refers to it, explicit consent is the communication cues that may be explicit or implicit and verbal or non-verbal but have a very clear notification of consent. In some scenarios this can be the verbal expression of consent, safe words or otherwise. Sex is made legal by consent and there is an importance of clear informed consent not only to promote a healthy relationship but also for the sex itself to be legal and non-traumatising. The Sexual Offences Act 2004 states:
a person (A) commits an offence if—
(a)he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b)B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c)A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
Legally there is a relatively narrow definition of rape. However, it is important to note that there is a much broader definition of unconsensual sex socially due to the psychological and social impacts of sex that is unconsensual or has uninformed consent. The recent societal shift towards prioritising personal agency and autonomy in sexual relations has gone a long way in promoting healthy relationships, yet, there are still a lot of misunderstandings which need addressing. This includes the concept of informed consent. Informed consent does not just involve the active participation and agreement of both parties, but also that both parties are aware of all the surrounding context including, STDs, contraceptives, sobriety and more. It is essential both parties are aware of all of these factors when consenting to any kind of sexual activity to maintain a healthy consensual relationship.
The Inter-Relationship Between Wanted and Consensual Sex
Mutual desire and want for sex can naturally lead to consent and this inter-relationship is symbiotic. In reliance on consent, the levels of trust, respect and saftey increase in a relationship building the foundation of intimacy. Depireux and Glowacz completed a study in which the “results highlighted the relevance of affirmative consent standards in the prevention of sexual violence and coercion”. Fundamentally, this demonstrates how important consent is in relationships to elevate the wanted factors of sexual acts and improve the relationships foundations. The psychological and emotional consequences of lacking either consent or the wanted aspects within the sexual act can create guilt, shame, trauma and resentment within the relationship having a detriment on both parties and the longevity and health of the relationship itself. Willis explains how promoting egalitarian sexual consent practices and agency focusing on active and informed consent rather than passive consent deepens relationships and increases the wellbeing of those in the relationship as even the nonconsensual experiences noted in the study may not have been classified as rape but the negative effects were significant. Therefore, it is important to develop the inter-relationship between wanting and consenting to sexual acts in a relationship through open and honest conversations to promote the health of the relationship and reduce cases of coercion and inter-partner sexual violence.
References
Brook, ‘Sex and Consent’ [2024] < https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/sex-and-consent/> Accessed 27th November 2024
Depireux, A and Glowacz, F, ‘Intimate Partner Sexual Violence in Emerging Adulthood: Exploring Sexual Consent Attitudes as a Target for Sexual Coercion Prevention [2024], Archives of Sexual Behavior 53: 2689-2710
May, E, ‘Tea and Consent’, Thomas Valley Police [2015] <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZwvrxVavnQ> Accessed 26th November 2024
Peterson, Z and Muehtenhard, C, ‘Conceptualizing the ‘Wantedness’ of Women’s Consensual and Non-Consensual Sexual Experiences: Implications for How Women Label Their Experiences with Rape [2007 The Journal of Sex Research, 44:1, 72-88
Willis, M and Smith, R, ‘Sexual Consent Across Diverse Behaviors and Contexts: Gender Differences and Nonconsensual
Willis, M and others, ‘Assessing the Within Person Variability of Internal and External Consent [2021] PMCID: 9239691
Table of Authorities
Legislation
The Sexual Offences Act 2004
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